sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
