i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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