the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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