Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
