woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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