then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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