nut hugger
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Soap is not a condiment
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
