the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
