I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
