dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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