You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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