I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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