; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
