If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
