Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
