There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
