I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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