I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
