I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
