My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
