so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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