she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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