I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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