I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
