All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
