even my farts smell like vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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