do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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