It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
