You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
