So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
