Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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