Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is wine microwaveable?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
