And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
