just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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