So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
