I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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