I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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