Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
