The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
