he thought i was a dude.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
