your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
