he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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