I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
