i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
