In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
