i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
