im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
