we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
