He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this boner is exhausting
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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