So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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