ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
