watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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