Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
