Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every concussion has its silver lining
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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