and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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