We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
