I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Im part way to drunk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
