the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
