some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
