Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize