Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
