I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
