he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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