Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
