Who wears a wallet chain?!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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