No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
