Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.