I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..