hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
