Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
