I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
